Everything is going to be okay.

“Knowing is not enough; we must Apply.
Willing is not enough; we must Do.”

Bruce Lee.

Do you ever, just, I don’t know – sit down on the edge of your bed late at night after a real long day and just reflect on how far off-course your life has gotten, compared to where a younger, more idealistic, version of yourself thought things would go?

When you sit there on the edge of your bed, just allowing yourself to trance out into meditative head-space, what comes to mind when you think back on your life up ‘til this point? Are there feelings of accomplishment? Memories of regret, or possibly anger? I’m sure a lot of people could say confusion often comes to mind – What happened? Where the hell am I? Who have I become in all these years since then? God, how about the future? Is this my future? Oh, my God…

Not many folks can say they look back on their lives with much praise. Oh, sure, there are absolutely events that have happened that have filled our souls with a speck of self-respect, or admiration. But the overall product, though? How many people can honestly say to themselves, as they reflect while sitting slumped over the edge of their bed, that they are truly happy, and have achieved complete fulfillment in their lives?

Almost none, I can guarantee you.

When I was ten years old, I wanted to be was the CEO of my own video game company. “Virtualplay Entertainment” would helm the coming of the upcoming [predecessor] to the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, which – naturally – would be called the “Mega Nintendo”. Virtualplay would be right in the fray, holding its own alongside other big-name third-party companies responsible for cultivating what would become the “Golden Age” of video games, with an extensive library of cutting edge role playing games that rivaled the likes of Square Soft and Enix.

When I was twenty years old, I wanted to be the CEO of my own comics and animation studio. “Sterilized Dirt Productions” would helm the peak of the booming Japanese animation craze here in North America. I would write, illustrate, and produce a visual adaption of my anime/manga-inspired novel, Monster Slayer (now called Master of Monsers) – first in comic book form, with an animated series to follow, both of which would inspire the likes of a new generation of English-speaking otaku.

I’m now thirty years old, and I sit on the edge of my bed late at night, writing this blog post with barely anything to show for those last twenty years of moon-sized dreams and aspirations. When I think back on these memories, a dull pain forms in my heart. I’m a strong enough woman able to easily deflect temptations to crumble into self pity. Self victimization and passing the buck on personal responsibility are not values written down in my playbook. I’ve done a lot. I’ve accomplished plenty. And yet, thoughts that I’ve become a disappointment to my younger selves sets in – and quite quickly so does guilt.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re still sitting on the edge of your bed like I am as I write all this out, there’s a fairly good chance that you’re open to suggestion – reassurance of some kind, maybe a magic train ticket that will some how reverse your history yet keep in-tact your wise, worldly, mind in order to finally create those memories you will be proud of in the coming years.

Whatever it is you look back on and feel pain in your heart over, I’ve some good news for you: despite what your mind wants you to believe – it’s never too late to achieve a damn thing. If you put in the work and take the idea of your personal fulfillment with utmost seriousness – you will be amazed at the things possible.

Take heart that if you put in the effort, giving up will never be an option. There will be times where you continue to “fail”, there will be times where you are impatient for results, there will be times where the temptation to give up is right on the edge of your false sense of intuition. These things are going to happen, but it’s important to not let these things consume you, like they have for however long you’ve allowed them to up ‘til now.

I am here to at least try to help you – as I strive to help myself. Consider this a contract of fiery wills. Sure, the passing of time has perhaps shifted the trajectory our particular paths in life – but you need to understand that it is never too late, though it’s true that time is not our friend. But time doesn’t matter anymore. We could die at any time. We could continue to live on into near-eternity. What does matter is this: if you put in the effort to make your life better, to go after what you desire and deserve –  action, patience, and perseverance will always pick up the tab.

In the mean time however, don’t sit and stagnate. Take initiative and dedicate your time to progress. Start to ingest inspirational content in the areas of your life you wish to improve upon. Utilize YouTube for guided meditations (these are amazing and have done a lot of good in my own life). Research local meet ups (or online communities) where you can network with like-minded people who will inspire and ignite your fire.

It’s so important to take small steps. Small steps lead to big results. Don’t believe me? Let’s take the process of writing the first draft of a novel or memoir. That’s a huge commitment, yes? A daunting task that, at full scope, seems a monolithic impossibility for most people. But what if we broke that down? Keep it simple, attainable? What if you committed yourself to 300 words a day? Hell or high water, you wrote 300 words a day – – every day – no matter the quality of those words. 365 days later, you have yourself a novel or memoir with a stunning word count of 109,500.

It’s that simple. Please trust in this.

Everything is going to be okay. Just don’t give up on yourself. Please.

 

grumblegrumble

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One thought on “Everything is going to be okay.

  1. Pingback: The Art of Self Forgiveness | E.E. Blake

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